RuDe's picks of the day

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?


Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair)


On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)


On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On
a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this
one)


On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
somewhere?)

^ That was funny! It makes you wonder who the hell writes that stuff.